An Ode To Cookware

Did my heart love till now? Foreswear it, sight! For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night… when I used Neoflam cookware!

-Shakespeare?

When’s the last time a song, movie, book, painting, or anything took hold of you, grabbed your attention, and shook you to the core?
We are trying to create that same feeling… with cookware. Our pans cannot simply be like every other pan. No! Our pans strive to be the utensils that redefine the experience of cooking — something that changes you forever, something Shakespeare could write a sonnet about.

Thus, we give you an Ode To Cookware

You bought a pan, and now you cannot exist as you did before. You have become something more thanks to this pan. This pan and you act like you have known each other since birth. You talk to your pan, you eat with your pan, your pan is a shoulder to cry on. Nothing gets between you and your pan. It holds your hopes as you start a new healthy diet, and stands by you when you indulge in your guiltiest of pleasures. It is the pan to end all other pans. A pandemic pan from a panoramic pantry in pangea. In fact, calling it simply a “pan” would start a pandemonium worthy to sit atop the pantheon of pan-ish things.

ode to cookware pantheon

Perhaps you are in the mood for a pot? How about a stockpot?

Pots are good at containing things. This pot contains the secrets to life. Simply pour a little stock in to reveal the location of the fountain of youth, the answer to “Do unicorns exist?”, and the without-a-doubt-funniest knock-knock joke of all time. You may feel a bit of trepidation at first. How can you measure up to a pot like this one? Do not worry. This pot makes you feel worthy — like a radiant sunbeam has chosen to follow you around on a cloudy day. You are the warm center of the universe because this pot deems it so.

So… why ceramic coated cookware?

Our cookware cares about you. Our cookware wants you to be healthy. Healthy, health, health. It’s a mantra you can carry with you anywhere. Think Ron Burgundy’s “scotchy, scotch, scotch”, but with a slightly better outcome. Ceramic is simply the path we chose to take you from the land of the chemically downtrodden to the heaven of eco-friendly consumerism. Believe in its magical nonstick powers. Believe in the absence of PTFE/PFOA. Join the church of ceramic coating and let the healing wash over you.

What’s with cast aluminum?

I know. I know. The last time you needed a cast anything was after falling out of that old oak tree down by the pond where the celebrated jumping frog of Calaveras county resides. Probably not a fond memory. We want you to redeem “cast” and get rid of all of your negative associations. Casting aluminum is perhaps the greatest manufacturing feat since they figured out how to inject a tubular yellow dough with a sugary, cream filling (#RIPTheOriginalTwinkie #miracle). Today, the casting process sets the standard for premium cookware and allows us to speak with integrity when we say, “Your pan will work awesomely!” (Or something more poetic)

[P.S.] If you enjoyed this Ode To Cookware make one of your own! And Send It To Us!

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